Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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