I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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