i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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