he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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