Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
