Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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