We're facebook friends in real life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
