So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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