I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
