we have pet lesbian snakes
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
