I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
