I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
