what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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