How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
