thus making me awesome and them whores
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
