ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
