a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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