Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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