so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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