You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
