i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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