i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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