Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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