I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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