I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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