She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just want to make out with him forever
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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