Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
