And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
