So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
