the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
