Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
