he wants to bone in the snuggie
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
