my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
