Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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