It's like God shit irony all over that family
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
