I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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