My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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