He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
