Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
