I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
