Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
