would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
