...so i touched it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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