If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
it was like eating out sand paper
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
