I showed him my bush... on skype.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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