i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
