I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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