Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
