i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your cock deserves a montage
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
