Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
