It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
