I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
