Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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