ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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