There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
