Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Bring me that man meat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
