how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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