He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
