The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
